Today I went to my grandmother's house to visit with her. This is the first time I have seen her since I broke my silence on February 4, 2012.
I was so happy to see her but at the same time very nervous that my mother might show up at any minute. I am not sure what I was so nervous about. There isn't anything she could do to me now. She is sick and dying and I am a STRONG WOMAN! However, the fear from Julie, a child alter, was still there. I spent about 2 hours with my grandmother. She told me how happy she was to see me. She also told me that I look much happier than the last time she saw me. That made me feel good. At least I know that by me telling I am happier on the outside as well as the inside.
We sat hand in hand while we ate lunch. While I was driving she reached over and grabbed my hand to hold. It was very sweet. It let me know how much I was loved and how it feels to have someone that really, truly cares about you.