Tears streaming down my face.
I have no "feeling".
Inside I "feel" nothing.
The tears are the only thing that show I have "feeling".
I am able to talk to others as though I am fine.
I am able to smile and laugh. (Although, there is no happy "feeling" inside.)
I am able to look at you in your face and you not see anything.
I am able to act "as if..." (as if, there was NEVER any pain in my life)
No one really wants to hear you.
No one really wants to know your story.
No one really wants to hear about your sadness.
No one really wants to hear about your anger.
No one really cares.
"You are a control freak.
You are crazy.
You are like your mother.
You need help.
You don't listen.
You don't try.
You don't want to change.
You haven't learned.
You won't learn.
You won't listen.
You don't want this."
All these negative comments being thrown at me.
How can I stay positive 100% of the time?
If I don't stay positive, then I am broken.
I guess I will never rise above broken.
I am an adult that needs help.
Perhaps, it's too much help.
Perhaps, I'm not able to be helped.
Perhaps, I am too broken.
"You couldn't control your mother and
now you want to control every else.
This isn't possible.
You can't control people.
People aren't pawns in your game.
This is why you NEED therapy"
(All I hear is negative comments....)
WHERE THE HELL IS MY POSITIVE?!?!?!?!?!!?!?
I could very easily let this become overwhelming.
Oh, how easy it would be to slip inside.
But I will fight it.
I will carry on.
Jaz
*AMENDMENT* (8-27-13)
Although I used the words "no one", this is untrue. The words "no one" are lies. These lies are from my past. They are still lies that I hear.
People care:
~Doc believes in me and gives me time, energy, encouragement, and confidence.
~My children are my big supporters. They believe in me and love me!
~K. F. gives me encouragement and believes in me.
~M. H. encouraged me.
~Aunt K. is on my side and wants to "kick ass".
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