Abuse

"When you were 3, I beat your little leg with the switch until you bled," mom said laughing.

How many times have I heard this story without realizing that this is WRONG? My mom told me that story my whole life.  She always thought it was funny and I would always laugh but it never hit me that it was abuse.

As I sit here I go to a new place.  I can remember "watching" myself being beat and begging for forgiveness. "Please don't do this. Please mom stop him. Don't let him beat me with a 2x4. Don't let him beat me with an extension cord. Please help me!"

She would just roll her eyes and walk away. Not once did she step in to help me. Not once did she stop the abuse.  She encouraged the abuse by this man.

I was 3 and I was being beaten until I bled.  This couldn't have been the first time and it sure wasn't the last time. Where are the rest of the memories? Too terrifying for a little girl to remember.  They have been put away in a safe place until I am strong enough to handle them.  An alter is holding onto the memories but hasn't disclosed them yet.  One day I will know the whole truth....

Liz