I am tired of pretending. I am tired of looking at the world and pretending I am a singleton. I am a multiple. That's who I am. Take it or leave it.
Tonight I am alone with my thoughts. I am learning to live with all these conversations in my head and understand that it is NOT what everyone else hears or experiences on a daily basis.
Tonight I am sad and lonely. I am missing affection and company. The way I show affection is by hugging and laying with men. My purpose was to protect Liz from laying with men. So I am not supposed to lay with anyone now. Vickie made me lay with men to keep them company. Dr. S. said this is not supposed to happen. That was not normal behavior from a mother-to watch her daughter lay with men starting at the age of 5. For me that's as far as it went. There is another alter that went farther with men. She had sex with men. Dr. S. said this is rape.
I am sad. I want affection. I want to someone to love. I want someone to love me.