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I am a woman learning to heal from past sexual, emotional, and physical abuse along with neglect. I have been diagnosised with DID and Complex PTSD both direct causes of the abuse. jazmineo1112@yahoo.com

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

My Thoughts

I was asked...."Why are you doing so much research on DID? Why don't you live in the present and stop trying to find out information about DID?  LIVE your LIFE!!" The person said.

This got me thinking..."Why in the world can't I stop looking for information on DID? I can't read blogs about DID...too many triggers...I can only research DID and find facts on DID.  Why am I doing this? Is this a common reaction to a recent diagonsis of DID?"

My thought process.....
1. Imagine thinking that everyone hears converstaions in their heads.
2. Imagine thinking that everyone looses time.
3. Imagine thinking that no one can remember their childhood.
4. Imagine thinking that everything you feel, think, and do is normal.
5. Imagine thinking that your childhood wasn't bad.

Now imagine being told...I'm sorry Liz, this isn't normal.  You have been living in DENIAL.
What you have been experiencing has a name...Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder.

Now imagine trying to believe these new facts and understanding that the conversations in your head are actually personalities caused by severe abuse by the hands of your own flesh and blood.  The only person that was there to protect you...your mother.

Of course I am going to do research on DID. 
What is it?
Are you sure this diagnosis is correct?
Perhaps it isn't correct.
Perhaps you are wrong and my initial thoughts, denial, were correct.

I am still trying to figure out where I stand in this new chapter of my life.  Every thing I read confirms my diagnosis. I was told eventually "you will discover information is just that....information. and nothing can change that."

But in the meantime...I am still searching.....still looking for INFORMATION....

What was your response to the initial diagnosis?
How did you handle it?


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