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I am a woman learning to heal from past sexual, emotional, and physical abuse along with neglect. I have been diagnosised with DID and Complex PTSD both direct causes of the abuse. jazmineo1112@yahoo.com

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

As I write...

As I write I hear little voices. These voices are with me all day as I go about my business. Sometimes I can tune out the chatter by staying busy. Sometimes they are deafening and I don't want to hear them. Other times I love them and we carry on conversations.

Julie-Will you always care for me?
Me-Always and forever
Julie-Why didn't my mother take care of me?
Me-She didn't know how.
Me-She was troubled and just didn't know how to care for anyone.
Jackie-You don't have to take care of me. I can do it myself.
Me-Jackie, I love you too.  I will take care of you.
Julie-I love Liz. She loves me too.
Jackie-Well, I don't need her. (referring to Liz)
Me-Well if you ever need me, Jackie. I'm here. (Jackie leaves)
Julie-I don't like her. (referring to Jackie)
Me-Well, you need to like her.  She is like your sister. (Julie smiles her sweet inoccent smile and hugs me)

I am learning I must mother the little ones inside. We didn't have a mother that nurtured us and cared for us.  I must do this for them.  It is hard at times but it was even harder when I fought it. 

I am learning that I am special and it is great to have Dissociative Identity Disorder...I am NEVER alone!!

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