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I am a woman learning to heal from past sexual, emotional, and physical abuse along with neglect. I have been diagnosised with DID and Complex PTSD both direct causes of the abuse. jazmineo1112@yahoo.com

Saturday, December 3, 2011

To Stay or Not to Stay

I have been "fighting" with other alters to stay out more.  When something is a trigger, stressful, or seen as a threat to the system, the alters want out. 

Last night I was fighting with Jazmine, Jaz, who is 16 and likes to party.  After our rough day/week at work she just wanted to "go get a drink". Well, Jaz we can't do that. We have children to look after and your one drink would turn into many drinks. 

Last night I was also fighting with Julie, Jules, who is 5, scared, and sad.  After a situation caused a trigger she wanted out. I'm not sure why. Seems like she would want to run and hide but instead she wanted out.  Possibly to talk to Dr. S about the trigger and how to get help. 

I don't remember fighting so hard before and having so many downs.  Dr. S said that's because I used to just let the alters take over and I would run.  This is so true. 

It was a rough night because of this.  But guess what?!?  I stayed out the whole time!!  I did not run from the stress or the trigger.  I stayed with my feelings. Man was it hard!

I guess I'm blogging about this to ask: Does anyone else feel this way sometimes? Does anyone else feel like they have to "Fight" to stay in control of the system?

Liz (host)

4 comments:

  1. Hi Liz,

    Thanks for pointing me here!

    Not running from the stress or triggers is a big deal, especially as a person who dissociates. Being able to do it consistently takes practice, so pace yourself. Try to just think of it as learning something new about you, regardless of any single result.

    That whole fighting to stay in control of the system thing is kind of tricky at times. (As in ... are you really in control, or are they letting you think that, for now?) "Control" can turn into power struggles. There will be fewer surprises, misunderstandings, etc. if you aim for internal cooperation rather than control.

    Of course, that is a journey in itself. :) But it makes everything you're doing that much less of a struggle, including not running from stress or triggers. Your T can help with the (many) "meetings of the minds" to work toward this goal.

    Take good care,

    Sarah

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  2. This is huge! I have usually been able to control things since my alters usually don't totally take over. But because of the stress at work one did a few weeks ago and it wasn't pretty and I got written up. My therapist told me about times I met with her and said absolutely nothing the whole time, no one did. I don't even remember that. I wonder what else has happened? So glad I found your blog! You make me think!

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  3. Silenced No LongerDecember 4, 2011 at 2:40 PM

    Sarah,
    Thanks for stopping by! It's nice to hear from you. What you have said really got me thinking.

    I am trying hard to stay with any feelings that begin to emerge. This is hard considering I have always ran from feelings.

    I know before we have talked about how you just let it happen and are ok with it. But in my line of work this can't happen. I can't let an alter come out and take over. So I am fighting with them. It is a power struggle. It becomes very difficult. I have been talking more to them this weekend then ever before.Hopefully, we ALL will begin to see eye to eye...

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  4. Silenced No LongerDecember 4, 2011 at 2:46 PM

    Sojourner,

    I am glad that you are thinking more about DID and how the alters work within your system. This is a very important thing to understand.

    Stress is a key factor in my healing and working within the system. Stress brings them ALL out. Be careful while you are at work. This is why I constantly feel like I have a power struggle. The stress can be too much for the system.

    There are probably other times you were unaware of that alters were out. Just be careful and continue to work towards healing!!

    Thanks for following!

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