The stigma of DID is one I can't get over. Why is it that I am to keep my diagnosis to myself for fear of how others might treat me or respond to me?
Is it because of the misconceptions associated with DID?
I am just learning of my past abuse. As the host, I have VERY few memories of my childhood. I don't have memories before I was ten. There are alters that hold those memories. As a child I was prostituted out by my mother. I am not sure the age that it started. I know that it was as early as age 5 and could have been earlier. All of my alters aren't speaking at this time. Some just show my images of abuse. Others talk to me and Dr. S. about their abuse. This happened in a church setting as well as at our home. It continued until I was a teenager around the age of 17.
The images that are shown to me by alters are those of people watching while men repeatedly rape a little girl. One alter, Jackie, talks about laying on top of men, hugging men, and seducing men while our mother watches. Another alter, Julie, was raped by men in the church. She was forced to have sex with men so that our mother could get money.
I have only recently been diagnosed with DID. It has been about 6 months. I didn't want to accept the fact that what I experience in my head and what I hear on a daily basis isn't what everyone hears. I didn't want to accept the fact that not everyone loses time and doesn't remember doing activities. DID is a diagnosis with a stigma attached to it. People often confuse it with schizophrenia. But DID isn't schizophrenia. It is a response created by my mind to protect me from horrific child abuse.
As soon as I received my diagnosis Dr. S. said do not share this diagnosis with just anyone. There is a stigma that goes along with this diagnosis. Is that fair to me?
Is it fair that I was abused as a child and now I am the one hiding from the results of that abuse?
The secrets continue....