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I am a woman learning to heal from past sexual, emotional, and physical abuse along with neglect. I have been diagnosised with DID and Complex PTSD both direct causes of the abuse. jazmineo1112@yahoo.com

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Listening to Alters

Again last night I was awoke by an alter.  This alter began flashing these horrific images through my mind. I begged the alter to stop and tried to communicate with him/her but he/she wouldn't respond.   I told the alter that only Dr. S. could help with the pain that he/she has experienced.   I laid awake with these images for about an hour.  I was trying to get rid of them so I could sleep again.  What did this alter want?  Why would this alter not speak to me? How old was the alter?

This is just one instance of trying to decipher alter code.

I am constantly trying to talk with the alters and get to know them.  I have only been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder for about 6 months now.  I want to learn about the alters.  I feel as though the more I am up for learning and actually LISTENING to them, the more I can hear.  The more alters that respond back.

This past weekend, however, has been a rough weekend.  Dr. S. told me that I needed a break from trying talk to them and since I have been "Fighting for control" (See previous Post...To Stay or Not to Stay.) I just needed to tell them to leave me alone for a while. 

So rather than getting into a power struggle with them I decided to just yell at them to leave me alone and go away.  I didn't want to talk to them or listen to them.  However, this isn't working that well either.  I feel like I am putting them off and not agreeing to work with the system.  The alters still come to talk but just get discouraged when I yell and tell them I don't want to hear from them at that very moment. 

Obviously this isn't working since I was awoke by horrific images....

How do you handle your system when you feel overwhelmed?


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