This past weekend was rough. I am glad that you were able to find an outlet and journal online. It was very helpful. It helps me see my thinking when I'm not thinking clearly. When my brain feels "cloudy" and I can't think or focus on anything.
My feelings/thoughts this weekend:
- cloudy mind
- suicidal ideation
- Satan chasing me
- I was running from death
- if I was to focus on anything besides staying alive, I would fall or stumble
- If I fell or stumbled, I would have "lost time" and may have died
- there was nothing I could do
- Staying a step ahead of death was my only option
- I had no medication
- I could find no LOGICAL reason for crying, being upset, suicide
- I could not focus on positive (not because I didn't see any, because if I did I would take my thoughts off of staying ahead of death, and then I would fall)
- my girls kept me alive
- not wanting to continue the legacy of abuse kept me alive
- not wanting to let the abusers win kept me alive
|You and Me|
Some things I realized and tweeted on today: (referring to DID)
- We fight a battle and we feel alone. But in reality we have a force with us always. Sometimes they are with us and sometimes they are against us. But they are there regardless.
- But they are always there-like siblings. And like siblings, we have to learn to get along while being in each other's spaces.
- This calls for MUTUAL respect, caring, and understanding from everyone.
- This is needed for healing!
|I know you are at the shore reaching out...I'm reaching back!|