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I am a woman learning to heal from past sexual, emotional, and physical abuse along with neglect. I have been diagnosised with DID and Complex PTSD both direct causes of the abuse. jazmineo1112@yahoo.com

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Crossing the bridge

"I can't make you do this, Jaz.  You must be willing to do it.  I can only bring you so close.  You must be willing to cross the bridge through the fire.  I will not promise you that it will not hurt.   It will hurt and you will feel.  But the other side is a wonderful place to be.  It is a place of peace, happiness, and healing.  I have helped bring you this far.  You have to make the decision.  Will you continue on and cross the bridge or will you stop and continue to live life as you have been?  Running from pain and not feeling.  Not being truly happy.  I can't help you anymore, if you don't cross the bridge.  There is no more I can do for you.  This is your decision.  What will you do?"

Well, I am willing to cross that bridge.  I will do everything in my power to cross it and go toward the side of healing.   I do not want to live the way I have been living.  I want to heal.  I trust you and I know that you will do everything in your power to help me.  I know that you will not let me fall.  You are the FIRST person my system learned to trust.  You have showed us the potential we have. I will do it.  I will cross the bridge.  But not for you.  For me.  I will do it for my system.  I will do it so that we may heal from the abuse and the past.  I want to be able to express my feelings "normally" without an alter coming to take the feelings from me.  I want to know what it means to be happy.  I want to LOVE, LIVE, and LAUGH without just going through the motions.  I will cross the bridge over that terrible and scary fire.  But not for you, for me and my system.  For healing and happiness and the chance of a "normal" and successful life.  I said a week ago when I dumped the alcohol I wasn't going back.  And I meant it.  I am not going back.  I am looking forward and taking it one step at a time.
I know you will continue to help me along my journey.  I appreciate you more than words or actions could every express.  
Let's work on this marathon, not sprint, together.  


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